Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Explanation for Tardiness

My apologies for 2 weeks of no updates. Let me explain a little.

My computer crashed and crashed hard. When it crashed, I crashed with it, like someone with Computer-Withdraw and had horrible thoughts like: "Without my computer, I am nothing." Once I realized how silly that was to say to myself, I began to realize, maybe this was an addict's kind of thinking. After talking about it with my friend, Chuck, we came up with the question "When does the tool (The computer) become the escape?"

That's a very good question. This device I'm typing on is only a tool, so why am I losing my mind over it? If a car broke down, yeah it would slow me down considerably, but I wouldn't be spilling too many tears. I would fix it. Right?


So, I took a two week break to reflect and try and calm down. I drew, I sketched, I used only pen and paper and such and so on. I mostly read. I DID cheat in a few ways, but nothing that I would have called devastating. Queeny's laptop was used for checking my forum and reading 1 man's blog. (CRPGAddict'sblog). I watched some Netflix on the Wii and played some games on the PS2. All in all, I did discover a few things about myself. Things I totally need to work on.

I don't have a computer addiction. I have a distraction addiction. (Blame it on my A.D.D., baby.) Perhaps what I need, then, is a way to focus that distraction, because I absolutely resist taking any drugs that should "help focus." It's not a complete distrust of drugs or doctors (though there is that, too), rather a feeling that taking any narcotics takes something away from me. I also discovered just how fat I am (356 Lbs. That's a new record for me). And, of course, I still have a problem with consistency.

Blah blah, I will watch fewer Let's Plays, play fewer games, focus more, lose weight, blah blah.

Here's the real underlining problem, eh? Any promise I make to myself
At least, it feels that way. My appetite outweighs my reason and contemplation. Minecraft awaits me and I answer it's calling like a junkie with no regard toward the lost work and (worse) lose time. That's the real problem, man. I can't keep my word to myself. It's not just procrastination, it's a deep distrust of myself and my plans.


I'm not going to spend much time on this computer, right now. I still have tests to run to make sure it's working properly, and I plan to uninstall the Sims. So, I'll get right on that. Fortunately, I have a back-log of Heart Mage posts to make, so tomorrow, come hell or high water, I will continue the Mumewin Letters.

Wish me luck. I'll need it.

(P.s. I have done quite a bit of work on the magic system of the RPG. Heart Magic is finished. Only 4 more magics to go before I have a usable game)


  1. I have the same problem mike --- all the desire to want to do something but no motivation that will overcome my desire to NOT do it, so I procrastinate, it's just easier that way (not really, but its what I think)

  2. That should have shown up as Jamie .....

  3. It's alright. I didn't even notice this comment was here until 4 days later. I'm getting used to the new Blogspot format.

    BUT, I'd like to think I'm improving. I'm spending less time in front of the computer this last week and more time down stairs socializing.